Get In My Swamp by G.M. Fairy Book Review

Amazing what you can find out about while you’re mindlessly digging for details about the next Shrek movie. You might come across a viral smutty fanfiction take with a very suggestive cover and title. I’m not someone who usually reads let alone reviews books with this level of, um, physicality. But I decided, “I’m looking to read something different, so why not?” and picked it up.

We first meet Liona, a bride to a young, uptight businessman/heir, Lawrence Farque. Liona came from a very rough background; drug dealing parents, living in poverty, and Lawrence scooped her off the streets and gave her a posh apartment and all the funds she could ever need. But…he’s just not really loving. Life between LA and Florida is not so exquisite when you don’t feel your soon-to-be-husband is the right fit. There are at least other…ways she can feel satisfaction.

One night Liona decides to go out for a late walk around the Florida everglade region, and finds herself falling into a trap set by Beck, a seven-foot tall buff ogre living in a secret world of fairy tale creatures who have a pact to never let the outside world know about them. Beck uses it to trap humans and eat them…but he eats other stuff too. Fruits. Vegetables. Waffles, if you can believe it. Chickens he looks after, if you can believe that too. Beck goes to the sprung trap, and finds the hottest woman he’s ever seen, and when she awakens…she’s terrified, but he’s the hottest person she’s ever seen. For an ogre. And with that very clean description in mind, here are my thoughts on Get In My Swamp, which is very safe to call a porn book.

Maybe I’m uneducated in this genre, but in my several years of reading and reviewing, the only other book I’ve read that was like this was When Everything Feels Like The Movies, which I almost gave zero stars to because the lustful thoughts of the protagonist were not only cringe, but completely unrealistic. I am of the mind that no one is turned on all the time, morning-noon-and-night, and especially not for someone who completely hates you and has really hurt you. There’s still a lot of turned-on-all-the-time in this book, but there’s at least nothing abusive, which is a huge plus. There’s actually, underneath the layers, if you will, a simple story of two lonely people who become happy. Well, more horny than happy, but still pretty happy.

If you scroll down, you’ll see I only gave this book two stars out of five, but a proper explanation gives a better picture. The writing is not very good; there’s quite some noticeable grammar errors, so the book would have benefitted from a reread before publication. There’s a new take of a major character from the original Shrek franchise that is seriously flawed. Why couldn’t this character have just been the annoying well-intentioned friend? And why did he have to do what he did and get beat up so much? And this twist scene near the end…I’m sorry, is everyone in this story so off their rocker?! And there are a lot of scenes that would’ve been not only a lot more interesting had they removed the sex, but they would’ve also been able to take the time to build up, to a point where the characters could’ve come together in much more satisfying ways. It’s just makeout after makeout after makeout. No getting ready. So, safe to say, for such a tiny book…there are flaws.

But here’s more details on why I don’t hate the book. Between the lust and the abnormally raunchy thoughts and feelings, Liona and Beck begin to seriously show love towards one another. Just like the original Fiona, it is satisfying to see a character feel affection for the atypical prince charming. Sometimes, an actual romance shines through. “No, I’m lonely for one person only. And that person is an ogre. My ogre. Beck.” A lot of relationships in real life start to show serious cracks after the high of their beginning wears off, but I could eventually feel like this couple would really work. Sometimes we see the book that Get In My Swamp could’ve been. If it had lightened up on the constant raunch and removed its noticeable flaws, this would’ve had a much better grade and the sex scenes would’ve been more swoon-worthy.

So, Get In My Swamp is exactly as advertised. If you want a story that has versions of Shrek and Fiona getting quite intimate with one another, you’ll probably love it. If you want a story with good writing and realistic actions, you’ll probably hate it. But maybe that’s what this subgenre is all about anyway.

My rating: 2 stars out of 5